


Gone Are the Days (When I'll Cling to You)

by MoonytheMarauder1



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Voldemort, Angst, Arranged Marriage, Bisexual Remus Lupin, Break Up, Flashbacks, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, M/M, Remus Lupin Needs a Hug, Werewolf Remus Lupin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-10
Updated: 2020-04-10
Packaged: 2021-03-02 01:08:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,353
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23576671
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MoonytheMarauder1/pseuds/MoonytheMarauder1
Summary: Deep down, Remus had always known that their relationship had an expiration date. He just hadn't thought it would end this way.
Relationships: Rabastan Lestrange/Remus Lupin
Kudos: 13





	Gone Are the Days (When I'll Cling to You)

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, y'all! Welcome back! This is another RemusRabastan... but angsty this time. Apologies. 
> 
> WARNINGS: Arranged marriage, implied homophobia, lycanthropy-related hurts

The ache of lycanthropy was familiar to Remus, but it still kept him up at night. His joints ached terribly, and there was a pain in his back that he couldn’t quite shake. Because of this, sleep eluded him, so he lay in bed with his feet propped up and pillows against his back. The small candle on his bedside table illuminated the book he was half-heartedly attempting to read. 

On the other side of the room, Peter was snoring away, fast asleep. The two of them, along with James and Sirius, had decided to move in together after school. They lived in a small, two-bedroom cottage near the woods—perfect for full moon romping, as James put it. 

Their life was deceptively peaceful now. If Remus closed his eyes, he could almost imagine that life’s only complication was his lycanthropy. 

Then there was a tapping at his window, reminding him that his life was much more complicated than that. 

He knew exactly who was standing outside. He smiled gently to himself and swung his legs over the side of his mattress. He shuffled over to the window and opened it. Remus stuck his head out, the wind ruffling his tawny hair, and squinted into the darkness. The bedroom he shared with Peter was on the second floor of the cottage, and he could just barely make out a silhouette down below. 

Rabastan. 

“I’m coming down,” Remus whispered as loud as he dared. “Stop throwing those damn rocks, or you’ll wake someone.”

“Hurry!” was his lover’s only response. Remus rolled his eyes but closed the window and grabbed his cloak, throwing it over his nightclothes. He hurried to the stairwell, careful to creep past the bedroom Sirius and James shared; James was a light sleeper. Soon enough, he was outside in the chill, crisp air. 

Moments later, Rabastan was beside him. He wasted no time in drawing Remus in for a kiss, taking the werewolf in his arms. Remus broke away after a moment, his brows raised. 

“Missed me, did you?” he asked, slightly breathless. “What brings you here? It’s midnight, you know.”

Rabastan’s dark blue eyes were strangely devoid of emotion as he responded. “I needed to speak with you,” he murmured. His fingers, which had been resting on Remus’ biceps, tightened their grasp. He looked like he was struggling to find the words he wanted to say. “I love you,” he began, “but…”

Remus’ heart skipped a beat. He took a step back, removing himself from Rabastan’s grasp, an incredulous laugh bubbling out of his mouth. “But  _ what? _ ”

“I didn’t agree to anything!” Rabastan held up his hands in proclaimed innocence. “But my parents… Rodolphus has married Bellatrix Black, Remus. And she won’t give him an heir.”

The unspoken words might as well have been shouted. Remus gripped his green cloak and pulled it even more tightly around himself as he glanced away from the other man. His voice was remarkably calm when he spoke. 

“I knew you weren’t going to stick it out.” He shook his head at himself for his own foolishness—hadn’t he thought the same at Hogwarts, when they stole kisses in corridors and snuck out for Hogsmeade dates? Hadn’t he feared the same once they’d both graduated, and Rabastan insisted they keep their relationship secret?

In fact, now that he thought about it… this shouldn’t have been as surprising as it was. 

Rabastan’s eyes widened. “I didn’t say that.”

Remus held up a hand, still unable to look the older man in the eye. “Well, you’re  _ not _ going to stick around, are you? I know that look in your eye. You’re going to leave soon.” There was a pause before he added, “You’re leaving me  _ tonight _ .”

The night was  _ freezing _ . Remus didn’t know if he was shaking because of the cold or because he knew with a devastating certainty that one of the best things in his life was about to end. He’d known that Rabastan was loyal to his family, even if he didn’t fully agree with their ideals—but Remus had still hoped that the dark-haired man would fight a little harder for their relationship. 

He couldn’t believe he’d been this foolish. 

“That’s the  _ thing _ .” Rabastan gripped Remus’ shoulders, his eyes wild and desperate. “That’s exactly what I don’t want to do.”

Remus’ words were choked. “Then don’t.”

The aristocrat—because when it came down to it, that’s what he was, wasn’t he?—scowled. “It’s not that easy. There’s this girl my parents have chosen… Rosier. She can give me an heir, status, but I don’t love her.” He slid his grasp down Remus’ arms until he was gripping Remus’ hands tightly with each of his own. “I want you to come with me,” he said eagerly. “Wherever we want to go, we’ll go. She won’t complain. It will be you and me, just like we wanted.”

Remus stared at him as the proposal sank in. He was shocked that Rabastan had the gall to ask this of him—and was even more offended that he’d thought Remus would agree to it. 

“I’m not—I’m not going to be your lover on the side,” he hissed, his amber eyes narrowing. “You either marry the girl or you marry  _ me _ . You can’t have us both.” Remus pulled his hands away and dragged them through his hair. “I think you should go.”

“What?” Rabastan seemed stunned. 

Gritting his teeth together, Remus turned away from the other man. “If you came here to tell me that you’re going to throw us away for a girl you don’t care about, well, then, I think it’s best that you leave.”

He cursed Rabastan’s pride when, after a moment of silence, he answered coldly, “Well, then. I guess I should go.”

Neither man moved. The silence seemed to stretch on, a chasm that was impossible to cross and kept getting wider. Eventually, Remus turned around and walked back to the house, wincing with every step. This time, however, it wasn’t the moon that was causing him pain. 

He was very aware of Rabastan watching him. It wasn’t until he’d closed the door behind him that he heard the tell-tale  _ crack _ of Apparition. 

  
  


_ Remus smiled as Rabastan’s fingers carded through his hair. The Slytherin’s gaze was soft as he looked upon the Gryffindor, as though Remus was some mysterious entity he’d never quite understand but loved all the same. It was a different sort of feeling to be looked at so lovingly; Remus enjoyed it.  _

_ “I love you,” Rabastan murmured.  _

_ They were lying in a field, and it was late enough that there was no one to interrupt them. Rabastan’s wand was lit, casting them in a dim light. There was just enough of it for Remus to see the sincerity in his lover’s eyes.  _

_ He smirked slowly, with the confidence of someone who knew they had a lot of time left for loving. “Why do you love me?” _

_ That startled a laugh out of Rabastan. “Playing that game, are we?” He bent down and kissed Remus’ cheek. “Let’s see. You’re an insufferable know-it-all. You can be reckless, quick to jump to conclusions, and have a tendency to martyr yourself. I really can’t imagine why I love you.” _

_ “Prat!” Remus pushed Rabastan’s chest playfully, feeling the vibrations as his lover laughed loudly.  _

_ “I love you,” Rabastan began more seriously, “because you are unlike any man to ever walk the earth. I’ve never met anyone like you before, and, honestly, I hope I never meet anyone like you again.” He dropped a kiss to Remus’ lips before adding, “I wouldn’t want to fall in love with them.” _

_ Remus could feel the heat rising to his cheeks, but he rolled his eyes at the words. “Charmer,” he muttered. “But I love you, too.” _

_ They lay there in silence for several minutes, and Remus couldn’t help but count himself as lucky. He’d lived through enough hardship to know to count his blessings, and the strength of his family and the loyalty of his friends were things he cherished, but nothing could live up to the way Rabastan made him feel.  _

_ Long, pale fingers traced the scars on Remus’ face. Remus closed his eyes, content to just be loved for a minute. He was drifting off to sleep when he heard the murmured words.  _

_ “One day, Remus Lupin, I’m going to marry you.” _

_ His heart swelled, and he cracked open an amber eye—much to Rabastan’s surprise. “You’re sure you want to marry me?” he asked softly as a smile threatened to break across his face. “You can’t return me.” _

_ Determination fell across Rabastan’s features, and he set his brow. “I’m sure.” _

  
  


The next night, Rabastan returned. Remus thought about leaving him alone in the cold, but he knew the other man well enough to know that he’d keep throwing rocks at his window until he came down—or until he woke one of the other occupants of the house. 

So Remus, his head pounding just as heavily as his heart, made his way out to the lawn to confront the older man. 

“I don’t want you here,” he said dully to Rabastan. “Just go. Marry that girl, forget about me, and  _ go _ .”

“How could I forget someone like you?” was Rabastan’s response. The dark-haired man stepped closer, looking so full of despair that Remus almost pitied him. “I love you, Remus. I’ve never lied about that.”

“Not enough.” Remus drew in and released a shuddering breath. “You never loved me enough.”

The night was too quiet. Remus found himself longing for before, when pureblood marriages didn’t seem to matter and he could just hold Rabastan like always. He never minded the secrecy of their relationship—he wasn’t completely out himself, and his lycanthropy required him to be discreet about his life anyway—but he  _ did _ mind being treated like he was less than this Rosier girl. And if Rabastan wanted an heir so badly… he wasn’t going to get Remus on the side. 

“I’ve never lied to you,” Rabastan insisted after a few minutes had passed. “When I told you I loved you—when I told you I wanted to marry you—I meant every word.”

Remus closed his eyes. The wind around them was biting and cold, numbing his face. “I know.”

“Then why isn’t that  _ enough? _ ” Frustration leaked into his tone, and Remus wished more than anything that he could shake some sense into this man. 

“Because I want to mean more to you than a girl you’ve never even met,” he hissed. 

Rabastan tugged angrily at his hair, looking everywhere but at Remus. “Okay. You want me to be the bad guy? Fine. Now I’m the bad guy.” He put his head in his hands and turned slightly on the spot before continuing more calmly. “I know you’re upset. You have every right to be. But I don’t want to lose my family, and I don’t want to lose you.” 

He looked up, and despite everything, it absolutely broke Remus’ heart to see the pain in Rabastan’s eyes. “This is possibly the worst moment in my life, Remus. You have to believe that.”

It was too close to the full moon to be dealing with all this emotional stress, Remus thought bitterly. He wished that he could ask the advice of one of his friends, but he knew how they would react upon finding out that his lover was Belletrix’s brother-in-law. He lowered himself onto the grass and patted the spot next to him, indicating to Rabastan that he could sit, too. Once the older man was seated, he spoke. 

“My blood isn’t pure, Rabastan. My mother was a Muggle—you know that.” He paused. “You’ve always known that.”

Rabastan dipped his head in agreement, but didn’t say interrupt, for which Remus was glad. The amber-eyed boy continued. “You’d lose your family by being with me whether this marriage was in place or not. So, while I appreciate what you’re trying to do…” He cut himself off, frustrated that he couldn’t seem to find the right words to convey his meaning. “Well, it’s the thought that counts, I suppose. But you have to choose, Rabastan. Me or them.”

It wasn’t a choice anyone should have to make; Remus knew that. But he also knew that he couldn’t spend his life with a partner who wasn’t dedicated to him. So he waited while Rabastan considered his options. 

After several long, agonizing minutes, Rabastan leaned forwards and very tenderly, very slowly, pressed his lips against Remus’ forehead. The Gryffindor’s eyes fell shut as he absorbed the feeling, but he didn’t otherwise respond. When Rabastan pulled away, Remus didn’t open his eyes. He listened as the black-haired man stood, walked away a few paces, and then Apparated into the night. 

Remus lowered his head and bit his lip, trying to keep his emotions in check. It was over, then. He was alone. 

On shaky legs, Remus stood and stumbled back into his bed, not caring if he woke his friends in the process. Once he hit the mattress, he drew the pillow to his chest and let himself cry. 

There might be other men and women, he knew. This wasn’t the absolute end for him. But as he recalled all those special nights, those stolen kisses, that pure bliss… he couldn’t help but feel like he’d never get that part of himself back. 

  
  


_ “I’m not going anywhere, Remus.” _

_ Remus wrapped his arms around himself and refused to look at the other man. “You say that now,” he whispered hoarsely. “But once you share a few moons with me, you’ll go. I know you will.” _

_ “No.” Rabastan held his hands out in a waiting embrace. “I won’t, Remus. I won’t leave you—I never will.” _

_ Remus wanted so badly to believe him, but he couldn’t. There was too much proof of the contrary in his life for him to believe otherwise. But in that moment, he craved what Rabastan was offering, so he let himself fall into the embrace.  _

_ He’d deal with the consequences later. _


End file.
